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Earlier today me & Vicky planned to go to an Alice Tea Party that was advertised in a vintage clothes shop. We dressed up Alice style, her in a grey dress with a bow and white tights with black ballet shoes, and me with a chequred skirt, silver and black stripy jumper, and silver ballet shoes. We got there and the “tea party” turned out to be a shop assistant on a small table with some styrofoam cups of tea. Very disappointing.

We tried to go to Metro Deco, a teashop in Kemptown which uses 1920/30s furniture, which is also for sale, but we spent so long waiting for a free table that we went elsewhere. We tried to go to the Kemptown Bookshop cafe, but the shop was closed, so we ended up going to the Mock Turtle, where we should’ve gone first of all, with the name and all. The Mock Turtle is a Brighton institution. It hasn’t been decorated since the 70s, cork floors and all, they have delicious cakes, and it’s really cheap. A pot of lapsang souchong tea and a carrot cake cost me the same as just a cake elsewhere.

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Waiting around in the Metro Deco furniture showroom fruitlessly for a cafe table upstairs.

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Legs. I don’t have concave legs, it’s the fisheye.

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Cake! The pink vanilla sponge was for Vicky, the carrot cake for me. Tea & pear juice still to arrive. The carrot cake was good, but it’s even better when it has cream cheese icing and walnuts, like the way my friend Bryony makes it.

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The Mock Turtle’s basement. Decorated by your nan.