This happened about 18 months ago. I was working in a tiny village called Reichenthal in Austria next to the Czech border. It’s a remote area that tourists have no reason to visit. It’s in the mountains, but not a ski area. Think dry highlands and endless dark pine forests. Twin Peaks rather than Heidi. Baba Yaga probably lives in the forest here. Other Austrians joke about this area being a bit peculiar.
The train from Prague cost me £7. However the sliding door on my compartment came loose and slid on me, covering me in bruises and leaving me hobbling for days. Thankfully someone picked me up at the station, because there was no public transport on Sundays.
We were staying at the village pub, where it was forever 1973. The family who owned it were lovely, which was good, as it was the only place to eat.
I feel like there is meant to be a large pleather Bible here.
It was Carnival season, and one night the pub had a fancy dress party. There was one young guy wearing a mullet wig and a shiny tracksuit. My coworker was trying to work out what 80s footballer he was meant to be. Turns out his costume was actually “Gabber DJ”.
There was a village shop, which was rarely open, and mostly sold discount ham and crates of beer.
The pub was next to the graveyard.
There was also a castle in the village. It looks just like how I imagine the one in Kafka’s book to look.
I went for a walk in the forest, and things started to get weird. Such as the war memorial slide with the deer statue.
There was an outdoor living history museum in the forest, but it was closed for the winter. There was no fence, so I was free to look around.
This folk song was provided for you to sing to the water. What happens if you don’t sing it?
From the water we have learnt. We have no rest day and night. Wandering is my fancy. How hard the stones are. The stones, the stones. The water.
Why is there so much outdoor taxidermy here?
Birth defect taxidermy deer?
Even ruthless killers have regrets.
Do not touch him. Even though you want to. When I used to work at the Natural History Museum I regularly used to have to check taxidermy exhibits for worms. I think he is full of worms like something from Princess Mononoke.
Felt like there was something very ritualistic about this collection of stones. How many souls of people who disappeared in the pine forest are contained here?
Threads.
While I was poking around, the blacksmith arrived to have a tidy up in his workshop. He introduced himself in a very thick mountain dialect, and pointed out a diploma on the wall from the 1820s belonging to his “ancestor”. Who was probably him. He then got out some Damascus Steel knives from his car that he had made that he wanted show me, and asked if I happened to want one (€200). I hadn’t found enough coins behind trees and in bins to afford this. Video games lie to you about how easy it is to find money and fight people.
We started talking about horseshoes and superstitions. I asked if Austrians put a horseshoe above their front door for good luck and to keep bad things out. He laughed, got out a small horseshoe, gave it to me, refused to take any money, and said I’d need it because the forest road ahead of me is called Vom Herrensteig zur Höll – From the Master’s Slope to Hell. (I am not making any of this up).
Here is my tiny horseshoe.
I started walking through the infernal forest. The woods in this part of Austria are often eerily silent with not much bird song or wildlife like squirrels.
This was labelled “Gate to Hell”
A lot of moss everywhere you looked.
The water looked very unappetising. The grass also dies in the winter in the North of Austria and the climate is very dry.
There were also signs everywhere warning you to not stray off the path, because people were doing archery practice. There were tormented looking wooden bears every so often for people to practice shooting
I came out the other side of the forest without anything infernal happening.
Over the other side of this hill, in the middle of nowhere was suddenly a giant herb superstore. I guess to heal your wounds from all the people shooting you with arrows in the forest.
I don’t know what happened to my photo of it. Here is one from Google Maps.